I know that he wants to go

I know that he wants to go,

and I don’t mind him going,

but it’s the way he goes about it,

once it’s in his head that’s it,

It takes over everything else, that we may have been doing or may have planned,

like there’s a rush to get there to this other land

but there is no rush, just helping out a friend

and not getting back till the Gosport ferry ends

Once he’s in that frame of mind

I tell him to just go, I am resigned

I beat myself up over not wanting to let him go

Like I’m a person who can’t let go

But that’s not the case I just hate how it’s such a priority

Everything is dropped and I’m left behind

doing all the jobs that he’s now just declined

if I do ask him to do something for me before he goes

he does it all in a rush, with no real care,

because something else is calling him from  way over there

I wish he would notice my upset and frustration,

but he doesn’t because he has a new fixation,

now I don’t know if it’s me being over sensitive

or it is rather unfair and I’m being rather tentative

I’m not quite sure what it is I’m feeling, it could be jealousy to the calling power of a friend, selfishness/ clingy/ domineering  that I want my partner all to myself and won’t let him go, frustration that my partner doesn’t see how it frustrates me and maybe slams hard on a fairness button, feeling discarded and over prioritised. Sometimes I’m not so bad, of course I would prefer him here with me a lot of the time so we can get more jobs done, but there are occasions that I enjoy being able to have a clear house and mind. But when we are in the middle of something and suddenly he decides it’s time for him to go (immediately) it really does frustrate me, especially if we haven’t eaten as he knows I find it difficult to stop tasks and actually stop and eat so he could have held back from rushing off for just half and hour. And he has to go straight away like he’s going to catch a train, but he’s only helping out a friend there is no urgency and he is gone for approx 8 hours including travel time leaving at 3ish and returning at gone 11 pm so he gets long enough there! Anyway I’m going to stop trying to understand my emotions and leave it at that for now 🙂

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